Parenting

There are three different types of parenting styles; autocratic, permissive, and active (otherwise known as authoritative or democratic). In class this week we talked about the differences between the three, and the goods and bads to each style. Autocratic is essentially a strict parent, and they are always right, what they say goes, and they don't have much leeway with their children. Their children tend to resent them and want out. This tends to cause contention between the children and the parents. Permissive is basically the opposite of that; they are really laid back and relaxed, allowing their children to do whatever they want with the mindset of they'll "live and learn". If this style ever does say no to something their child wants, and the child doesn't like that, the parent will give in. These parents want to be thought of as cool, which as a result has them putting friendship before parenting which can also loose the respect of the children. Active parenting seems to be the most ideal style, out of the three that is, because it meets in the middle. Problems still come up, but as the parents and the children work through them together as a team unit with a mutual respect they come to an agreement that they both are happy with, and even if they're not, the respect and trust is still there and feelings are not hurt.

The Role of the Father, The Role of the Mother

The role of the father and mother is crucial in the upbringing of the home and family. And they are different roles, and they have different qualities that are needed within the home. The role of the father is to provide and protect the family, while the mothers role is to nurture and care for the family. Although, the family tends to be strongest when they work together as mother and father and not divide the responsibilities but rather work through them together. As they work together as a unit, they will be strengthened, which can result in a stronger family as a whole as they will be able to have a great impact. Husband and wife, fathers and mothers, are responsible to guide and rear their children through life. As the father provides, and the mother nurtures, which are their strengths and divine roles, they will teach their children qualities and lessons that will effect them in their every day lives.

Communications and Problem Solving

Communications can be a complicating thing, because we all have different backgrounds and were brought up differently. One "look" to me, may mean something completely different, or may not even mean anything at all, to you. A lot of communications isn't verbal, it can be body language, or even lack thereof. The saying that says "actions speak louder than words", well it's true, and it isn't just referring to good things either. Actions can be misinterpreted as a bad thing, when they weren't intended that way, too. This is why open communication is so important. If something goes bad, talk about it. Verbally talk about it. Not through texting or email or chat either. All of these things, they're nice and convenient, sure, but can easy be misinterpreted as well. The emotion and feeling is automatically taken out of typed material, leaving it up for their own interpretation, and they may interpret it differently than intended. Learning the way that someone prefers to show emotion or communicate can go a long way. Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.

Family Crisis

This week we discussed family crisis, and how families all handle things differently. There are different types of crisis, and how we allow them to effect our family. We have the choice on how to handle them, and we also have the choice of what, if anything, to gain from it as well. Some crisis can end up being beneficial to the family and something that we are grateful for, but other times it takes longer to see those things. One way of coping with stressful situations is avoidance, another denial, and the other most common coping strategy is blaming someone else. Some people avoid dealing with the situation all together, as if they don't recognize it then it will disappear. And others do the same, only are in denial about the situation which essentially has the same result. Or if they don't take responsibility then that won't get anything done either. Crisis need to be handled, not left just sitting there, and they are best handled when not done alone. If it is a family crisis, it should start with the parents, and the children can be involved when appropriate. This, as I've seen first hand, can and will bring a family closer together as a unit and can be a great learning and growing opportunity and gain lifelong coping skills.

Affair Prevention

In class this week we talked about affair prevention. We discussed a lot of different ideas about what effects different things can have on a marriage. Some of the things discussed included friends, Facebook, family, and fighting. One thing that I never really thought of before was the family getting in the way of their own family that they are starting now. But, it does make sense. Involving the family too much, or even going to them rather than your spouse can be a relevant problem. When we aren't bonding with our spouse we are simply bonding with someone/something else. Families can be too involved in a marriage in that they go to them instead of their spouse to work things out, which does nothing but damage. When telling the family about things going on in the marriage, we tend to only talk about the bad and not the good. And so when you make up and it was so cute and perfect, well they don't hear about that, and even if they do, they won't be as quick to forgive because they are not the ones in love with them. Another point were friends, it goes the same way. We need to draw the line before the wedding even takes place, and separate the marriage from other friendships so that the eternal bonding can more effectively take place. We can still have friends, of course, it is just crucial to put your spouse ahead of friends, and go to your spouse and rely on him/her instead of outside friends. And Facebook, it can be used for good but it can also be destructive if not used properly. Facebook shouldn't be a place where anything should ever go on that you wouldn't want your spouse to see. Simple as that.

Transitions in Marriage

In this weeks class, we discussed the transitions of marriage. And one of the things that I found particularly interesting was the differences between the wedding and the marriage, and the similarities as well. Because there is a difference, and yet the wedding kind of sets the tone for the whole wedding. We discussed what we like to see at weddings, and what we expect from our own wedding. I really like when we talked about the cost of a wedding, and how it can effect the marriage. If you spend all of your money on a wedding, then you will have little to live on, and yet the expectation will be there. I would suggest a low cost wedding, and yet it can still be a nice wedding. I have seen it done all the time. How you go about a wedding can tell a lot about how a marriage will be to, or at least what is important to them. Invitations are another factor in a wedding, it dictates the formality, the tone, and again the expectations. And that brings me to who you invite, if you invite family and friends or if you don't invite them at all. What you do to make it happen. What you do to get the people there. To me, family is important, so I plan on making it a point to try my hardest to plan it so that they can attend. But at the same time, I feel that it needs to start with me and my spouse even beginning before the marriage actually begins. If it is in the best interest of us to have it sooner rather than later, even if a family member cannot attend, I don't plan on waiting. But the priority is still there. And I truly believe that the wedding has very very different aspects than a marriage, but I have noticed that it does set the whole tone and expectations for a marriage.

Partner Selection

When selecting a life long partner, often times people assume it would be a good idea to live with one another as a "test run" first. When, in reality, cohabitation is a bad idea; it often times leads to divorce, if they ever do decide to get married. This week in class we talked about cohabitation quite a bit, and it really stuck out to me. I guess when you think about it, on one side it "seems" like it really would make sense to see how someone lives before decided to marry them, but on the flip side it would be so hard to get the thought that there is an easy out to just leave. Divorce is a big deal, and should take place only under the right circumstances. Out of all of the divorces that take place, most of them could have been resolved. But, when you cohabitate with a person before marriage, divorce will be in the forfront of the mind because before they were married they really could just leave. Most people don't realize, but you can discover enough about a person from dating and courtship to decide to marry them and then once the marriage takes place, sure there will be changes and things to get used to, but those things can be worked through and gotten use to when done the right way.

Gender Roles

One thing that really stuck out to me this week in class was about the roles and divine purpose of gender. There are a lot of things that come along with our gender, and they're not just things that the world engraves into our minds are girl things or boy things, there are much more meaningful things than that. Females are to become mothers, and along with that is a natural desire to do so, and they can be natural nurturers of the home and family, where males are to become fathers and are meant to be the provider and protectors of the home and family. In class, we talked about how the mother's roles are focused more "in" the home and keeping everything safe, and the father's is more "out" in the sense of keeping things out of the home. There are many more qualities and characteristics that go along with gender, and in more depth with the mothers and fathers too, but I think that the role of a mother and father is the greatest role of them all and that each home and every child is entitled to be raised by both for they have such a huge impact on them.

Diversity within all Families, and Their Cultures

This week we focused on diversity in families. What stuck out to me was not only how diversity within families can effect us, but also the different types of diversities there can be within families. Ones that I never really even thought of. It was really interesting to discuss how each of us has different family circumstances and how we handle those circumstances and how they effect us. My family circumstance I would call a good one. I feel very blessed for the situation that I was born into. My parents are both members of the LDS church, they are sealed in the temple, they are from similar background growing up a couple towns over from one another, they have three kids including me, and I'd say we are in the middle to upper-middle class. When learning about classes and how diversities and cultures can effect those, I thought it was really interesting upon learning that middle class is where the majority of people are, which I already knew, but I never really thought about what effects that. If you have an in-tacked marriage and where married when you are single then you're more likely to be in the middle to upper-middle class rather than the lower class. One of the things from that discussion that I also found interesting was that marriage is proven to be beneficial financially. Two incomes are better than one; it is simply cheaper to feed and shelter two people rather than one because you are splitting the cost rather than paying for two different rents, two different everything. Marriage is beneficial in more than just the financial aspect of things too. All these things, within diversity and culture, are things that we have to adjust to, learn to deal with, and they effect how our families run.

Family Rules, Everybody's Got 'Em!

This week in class what really stuck out to me were family rules. I realized that where it is a spoken rule, written down, or just known because of example or even just a simple look, we all have them. We all communicate with others, in some shape way or form. Even lack of communication is still communicating something. And, a lot of the times, the way that we learn the rules of our family are not necessarily through verbal communication. A lot of the times they are rules that we didn't even know were there until we broke them! Although every family has rules, not all families rules are the same. Everyone come from different backgrounds, and everyone expects different things. I personally believe that it is important to understand one another's backgrounds, in this case specifically when it comes to home and family rules. When we associate with, communicate with, and combine our lives with someone else it can be very important to know and understand what they expect. More often times than not it is different then the way we were brought up and learned to expect and react, but at the same time there are usually a lot of similarities. Within our families before marriage, it is important to pay attention to these rules and way our parents and other family members portray the expectations of the family. In my house, it was a known rule that on Monday night we were to be home and done with all of our homework by dinner time and family home evening. I was trying to think of how I came to know this rule, I don't recall anybody ever telling us, we just knew that it was happening and if we weren't there we received "the look". Whether we know it or not, all of our families have rules, and they are what help our home life maintain a constant organized life style.

Bad Research vs. Good Research

This week in class we talked a lot about how there are both good and bad research out there. It is important to do our research and find studies about topics that we are interested in to gain more knowledge, but we also don't want to fall for everything. Do your own research. Research into their research. Find out for yourself if it is something that you believe and trust or not. I definitely believe in forming your own opinion for yourself, and not just going along with what everyone else says. But luckily we can pray about it and find out for ourselves if it is right. Also, this reminds me, you don't have to just believe everything that I put up here. Find out for yourself. There are both good and bad research out there, but luckily I know that whatever the Prophets have taught, that they are true. Therefore, I know that The Family: A Proclamation to the World is a divine document that has divine principles and teachings in it. So I know that the family is central, and I know that there are things that can influence the way our families function, and if we are dedicated to finding those things out and acting on them that we can be successful. I look forward to doing some of my own studying into finding out more of how that can be accomplished, I know there is a way.

I love learning about the family!

I am excited to expand my understanding on the family, gain more insight, and hopefully share some of that insight with some of you and remember it always! This should be a fun blog to keep.